Anyway, the point of this blog was not to complain, neither to spell out all the reasons I'm thankful on Thanksgiving Day. It is to express a sort of sudden epiphany (I think that's the right word to describe it) I had in my garden this morning. I was feeling saddened about not being with extended family on Thanksgiving Day, feeling rejected and alone, plus I was missing my Dad who passed away just early this year. As I was carrying around these heavy loads in my heart, I saw the bright blood-red petals of our Tropical Sage plants laying all over the ground. I had told a friend from church who had bought some of these latter plants that the petals could symbolize Christ's blood shed for us. I had said that knowing it would mean something to her, she being a Christian, but it didn't really touch my own heart- not until this morning. It sunk deep into my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I realized the only cure for my sadness and bitterness was to accept that Jesus loved me so much that he died for me. He knew that I would be down and depressed sometimes, and that I would need to know how much I was loved. As unloved and unworthy as I feel at times, I can be comforted to know that he loved me so much that he shed his blood for me!
This morning, I had tried comforting myself thinking, "Don't be sad. Think of all the things to be grateful for: husband, children, home, friends, etc.", but nothing worked. Only realizing the greatness and unimaginable love God has for me made the bitterness come out and let love flood in. Now my tears are of true Gratitude instead of sadness. In the end, maybe this was about what I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving Day: God's love for me.
